theba

Last night, we performed a new variant of the Mass of Shiva, written by Frater Aludel, one of our rising stars. It was quite interesting.

CrOTO: how it has treated me
At a recent Meeting, Frater S pointed out that his OTO experience has been more positive than mine . . . that they haven't tried to trick him into embarising himself or hurting him self . . . And it occurs to me that perhaps I am being unfair and judging the CrOTO by what the USOTO did to me. So let's forget about my past experience with the thieving schizophrenic sociopathic rapists of the the USOTO and only talk about what the CrOTO has done to me personally:
When I first came here to Croatia. I quickly sought out contact with the CrOTO as there are many stories told about it in America. I e-mailed the contact person and he quickly put me in touch with a contact person for the Split Camp.
1) Because of my past experience in America, asked both the E-mail contact person in Zagreb and the person who met with me, Soror N, not to reveal my mundane name to the members of the Men of Earth degree. Both of these people were under degree Oaths not to reveal my secrets. I have since heard from someone who is not even a member of the OTO that the Split Campmaster (whom I have never met) told hir about my prohibition. (and thus my mundane name)
2) After my initial meeting. I tried contacting the Camp to meet for social events several times. Finally I was told by my contact person to stop bugging them and that they would contact me when they had event. A year and a half later . . . . .I am still waiting to be invited to something . . . .anything . . . . (it's pretty clear that my knowledge and experience is not wanted by the OTO) (perhaps it I were adicted to narcotics or alchohol or mentally ill or a danger to the other members of their Order, I might be more valued)

we just passed Frater Aludel to the 2nd degree in Memphis & Misraim. He seemed very energized by the experience. So I guess we did a good job of it. He's one of our rising stars.

Frater Aludel, one of our up and coming stars, has written a new Mass of Shiva. But tonight he led us in the old version.

One of our members told me that he missed our ritual last week because he went to a Mercury Ritual that the OTO put on . . . . one that didn't happen.
You know, I could understand why people would chose them over us if them were doing more and better events than us. What I don't understand is why we have such a history of losing members to this other group that doesn't actually do anything.
Of why our people have to chose between the two groups instead of being a member of both groups. I thought my experiences in the Golden Dawn, OTO and Freemasonry shed light on each other. Each system helped me understand the other better.
And why I began re-writing the Rituals of the Rites of Memphis and Misraim, I made great pains not to duplicate the rituals from the OTO or Freemasonry. We don't need to be a 'fake' OTO or 'fake' masonry. We are our own thing. And I wanted our rituals to aid in the understanding of our members who work one or the other of the other two systems. But the OTO doesn't want their members to work any other system. I thought the OTO didn't believe in the 10 commandments. I remember in one of my OTO initiations the 10 commandments were specifically repudiated. Yet the crOTO acts as if they are the one true faith. When I was in the USOTO, we were allowed to be a member of any group that didn't purport to be an OTO. Not any more. I've hear that USOTO has recently banned it's members from attending Congregational Illuminist Events.

Frater Aludel led us in another Mass of Shiva. We seem to be doing that one a lot lately.

Last night we had our Samhain celebration on Mt. Marjan, as the Full Moon reflected off the Adriatic Sea.
This ritual had gone through several changes
from my initial joke about Performing a Goetic Evocation to call of the Demon, Oto, and command him to leave us alone . . .
We planned a traditional Wiccan Ritual, which had to be changes do to lack of a volunteer to Priestess. . . .
On learning that only men would attend, I came up with the idea of doing a Evocation of Sitri, the Goetic demon that makes naked women appear . . .
then, at the last minute, we learned that at least one child would attend. . .

And so, we performed a spontaneous, kid-friendly Dolfynic style ritual with songs and a circle dance. We toasted the God/desses with apple pentacles, mulled wine and mulled apple cider.
A good time was had by all.

Back in September, our Bishop, Tau Sunce, consecrated Tau Samlah, a Bishop.

Tonight, after Deacon Aludel performed the Mass of Shiva, Tau Sunce presented Tau Samlah with his Bull of Election from three Bishops of the Ecclesia Gnosticae Universalis. This document, makes it offical that Tau Samlah is, in fact, a Bishop of the EGU.

As Theba Temple is living body which main preoccupation is work and development, there are lot of changes which occurs frequently. One recent and most significant change is that Theba Temple has new Templar: Tau Samlah, who will from now also take a care about this livejournal on much better and more frequent way. Tau Samlah brings great improvement in our work and his taking of duty as Templar is great and important advantage for us.

Although we are not frequent on this page because of linguistic problems of previous author - my native language is not English - we are still very active working regularly weekly. We started with Lodge work of initiations, we continuing gnostic works of Masses and other usual works trying that light of Gnosis and Illuminism, Congregational Illuminism spreads around us. We are developing constantly, working on our personal spiritual development, and also helping in developing White School of Magick, Congregational Illuminism and Thelemic philosophy and development of our part of the world in Light Love Life and Liberty.

Greetings to all brothers, friends and good related people to us who is interested in our benefit, with wish to greet this change with whole heart, and greet our new Templar Samlah in his new duty.

Tonight, led by our newest Priestess, M, we celebrated the Mass of Shiva. A good time was had by all! Afterwards, we decided to have a traditional Samhain in two weeks.

Next week, our newest Deacon, V, will lead us in the Mass of Shiva again.

Today at Tuesday April 14 at early morning, our loved, irreplaceable and most significant brother form Balkan Dražen Veljaca suddenly died from brain stroke with smile of true happiness on his face.



He was successful karate sportsmen, he was successful leader of youth in his place of living in his young days, and then he discovered Thelema.

He was one of few bright stars and important persons in developing thelemic world in ex-Yugoslavia through early Caliphate. He organized and leaded work in Ivanic-Grad which in that time was one of brightest phenomena in Thelemic world. He was of greatest value for whole Yugoslavia and organizer of initiations for many years when it was greatest problem and he was only solution. He also was practical organizer of many important meetings and works for whole this community. Without his influence it can be questioned would anything can exist today, not even only existence of Caliphate. We had officers who liked to live from Order, and officers which lived for Order. He was one who lived for Order.

For many years he organized regular work in his place rising spiritual ambition of individuals taking them as they are, encouraging their personal work, constantly organizing different rituals - on first place Liber XV and Initiations, but also fighting that things goes on right way on way of initiation and development, not on way of rulership and dogmatism. His work was often provocative or prodding for persons- initiates and aspirants, but causing much more efforts and more dedications to initiates and aspirants in their work. He was brave man who dares to ask unpleasant questions to all "authorities" and "leaders" without fear for his skin. He was lunatic person who knows to precisely ask and cite sentences from all noble documents of Caliphate as Manifest of OTO, First Instruction and many more to indicating bad and venomous rules and behaviors, causing "leaders" to stand astonished, and rejecting all that noble documents as “historical” and “not actual” in fear of their skin.

He was fighting for Congregational Illuminism much more before it was existed as defined term in publicity.

He made so many great things, and he made many mistakes which gives chance to his enemies to kick him out of Caliphate by excessive and overblown accusations - which was in most part lies, and to kick him out of Caliphate for which he devoted his whole life.

After that, he continued to work on spreading Thelema, producing new candidates for Caliphate, although he was brassy rejected from all other activities of Caliphate in his place. But his life carrier was done, he awaited his final feast, smoking weed drinking and waiting final feast.

He was ingenious, he was crazy he was brilliant we was witty he was boring in asking unpleasant questions until one brakes down and find true answer on his problem.




He was hated and loved, but mostly loved which he deserved so much.

I love him and I miss him today and for rest of my life.

At May 30th 2008 in our Temple was organized ordination into Priest for Fr Darko Djuric who originated from our Temple but now lives and works in Moscow-Russia. Excellent Ordination in which all present perceived true change in candidate, and enjoyed true personal experience. It was performed by Tau Sunce, Priest of Theba Temple by sanction of Tau Sir Hasirim bishop of EGnU.


Ordination was performed using legal EGnU consecration supported with recognition of our Bishop Tau Sir Hasirim and on the other side by Laying Hands which is not part of usual tradition of EGnU but very often in world of Gnosticism.

In our assembly, priest is rightly consecrated and accepted Gnostic who takes duty to help other Gnostics, serve them in their work on self-realization and manifesting of personal will on the World. Priest has not any hierarchical authority, right under members of assembly their lives, their work and their finances; Priests (and Priestess) are equal to any other Gnostic. His authority is rather natural by recognition of benefit of his influence on the others and their work. He can give or recognize Baptisms and make Confirmations which is vital essence of Gnostic development, and Ordain Deacons which is needed for any quality organizing and common work of group of Gnostics. I hope that it would be of great help on developing of congregational illuminism in Russia.

There is great need in Russia for serious and quality work. Existing Thelemic group in Russia which until last six months was only organized group in Russia, is in deep problems as in whole world, omitting to give Gnostics and Thelemits that for what purpose existing communities like that: consecrations, initiations and spiritual sanction in personal work. We truly believe that Fr Darko as Priest can do much in restoring true bless under existing and newcoming Gnostics, Thelemites, true searchers for illumination in light of Authentic Tradition.

Several weeks ago before in my City appears one advertisement in local free advertising weekly magazine. It is magazine where you can find if you want to buy some old coat or chair, or you want to sell some old unnecessary things from your house. During time, there appears advertisements of local cat-houses with their offers, or single ladies of night, mingled with claims of desperately lonely old women, old gays or christians looking for possible marriage. Before month, or few months (I don't know) in that magazine on that chapter, appeared one big, well paid advertisement which gave me personal realize about my past break-ups with OTO, and teach me once more about reality of my dreams which I dreamed in live for years. That advertisement appears again and again in every issue from that time.

Here is picture of original:



In English, it was written:

01/66 99 310
095/8058 126

Astrology
O.T.O. Thoth
Tarot
Magick

finances, love, health, finding lost people

What to say, when I was initiated before 18 years, I learned that I entered in serious order, pledged to sacred aim of liberating persons, opening ways for finding ourselves, to some high and solemn purposes higher than usual understanding of common people even most brilliant intellectuals. For years we obeyed and followed prophets words that in this Order gates are open for every extraordinary person, even by intelligence, or by talents or by material wealth or by anything. We were sicken with exYu OTO FSR business of fortunetelling by Tarot, or later with Cro OTO making talismans by orders for money. But we were wrong. OTO is organisation where all kinds of baseness are normal and welcome. Where there is nothing like it was in our dreams. Where making money on every beggar’s way is main value in this order. I apologize to Mr Breeze because of my perception that I am expelled from OTO unjustly. I really do not belong to this order, order like this and that present activities.

I don’t know is in this advertising something hidden, looking for new proper members in our City, instead of previous who distanced from OTO, those who looking for sex and marriage partners in magazines like this. Desperate persons who haven’t other possibilities but to try anything to reach some inaccessible aim (to fuck something maybe), or so..

No matter are there some actions like that; important is that I am far from it. </font>

What was after my respond to Breeze? I heard from two different sources who were informed by Cro FSR and who are out of touch from each - one from Split and one near Cro FSR that Breeze at beginning of August were in Zagreb and told his decision to Cro FSR and few of his closest on some high degree initiation. Theba is closing and I am kicked out.

One task on which Cro FSR was forced by Breeze was to appear in Split and organize meeting with all members. So he appeared unwillingly, frightened of possible reaction from us, but most of the brothers and sisters didn’t came. Also, Cro FSR organized one of his artifices. He called several persons that for a long time was alienated from OTO, extremely conflict and problematic one of them ill of violent schizophrenia and (obviously) prepares them. Thus, meeting become extraordinaire caricature, real OTO experience. Cro OTO organizer of that meeting organize it in open café on main street in old City, where nearly hundred of people passing every minute. In next three hours, anger and hate have filled whole street by furious shouting; passersby has running wondering, listening hysterical screams piquant details about OTO fakes, pranks and gossips.

Whole of time when I was present on it, I rarely succeeded to answer, comment, question because of hysterical aggressive screaming, furious howling every time when I tried to open my mouth. Most of brothers and sisters shut up or one by one run out of this, Cro FSR chuckle glad, escaping from many questions about many of his lies and hostile unbrotherly actions. However, he swallowed bitter snack when all present brothers and sisters conclude in the end that they are all for continuing of work of Theba Oasis. He agreed with it also, with face like that some bulldog keeping his balls in his mouth. But all of that sink in constant hysterical screams of our schizophrenic sister.

When I entered in OTO all was painted with colors of schizophrenia and I said that it must be changed. I tried, didn’t succeeded, been kicked out and that sounds of schizophrenia escorted me out of OTO. After I leaved that meeting, Cro FSR has activated, and shown his talents of hypocrisy by sentences like "I don’t know why Fr Sergije likes to leave the OTO..."

We organized last work as unformal group and I sent remaining documents. Also I sand to Breeze last letter:




Dear “Most Holy, Most Illuminated and Most Worshipful Father”


Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.


As I announced, I return you initiation scripts. Now when everything is so clear, there is no use to wait for a years for some peace of paper about my expulsion, doing nothing. As in this Order things are not going by papers as it were written, but by slanders and gossips behind a back, we know this there is no place for waiting.
With it is paper for a new Treasurer General; he bored me last year about that missing report.
On the end I can inform you that this does not close Theba, we continuing our work only separated from O.T.O. without any connection between Theba and O.T.O.
State in which is O.T.O. prevent this.


Love is the Law, love under will.


In the Bounds of What Happened to the Order




Several of us continued to work as unformal group but crisis in our work was constantly deeper and deeper. However, I got telephone line and Internet after six years, and ask for help. Help arrived and our work again become much better, several of us has organized and joined EGnU, and better days for our work and us appeared. Those who remain in OTO never succeeded to organize anything until now, big part of them distanced from present OTO and one part of them declare that they leaved OTO.

On the spring I got amazing mail from OTO Secretary where he threats me with some bad report for statements issued on Theba’s Web Page. He has thinking that I must be humble and passive looking in my shoelaces, not even breathing until someone of them decides to give me paper with note about expulsion.


Cro FSR translated this text and squeak to Upper Management in time when his versions evaluated to the level that he have talked around as he consider Theba as fully active in OTO, me as master, priest, initiator and so on:

"Theba was previously organizational unit of the Order O.T.O. However all things are subject unto change and so, unfortunately, is the case with something that was O.T.O. before, community of initiates whose initiations are really impressive and very efficacious. Before, O.T.O. was a community of stars. But, same as all, the perfection is also subject to change, and corruption, and after some time we perceive on a positions where have to stand the illustrious initiates, gazing in height of own soul and soul of human kind, we find more and more common and corrupted people amorous in their little bondages, obsessions and villainy. Community which their base finding in subtle endless depths beyond existence, begin to gnaw lowliness unconnected with anything rooted in that community, lies, intrigues, pranks and politics in most odious form. Fight for positions, for the dominion over others, who should be perfectly free, fight against those who would not submit and who think (know) differently.

Thus they that who own roots finding in those subtle, vast depths of love vanish, become pushed out or expelled from the community they were part of. So even that community become thin, suffer tearing, convulsions and putrefy, holly ghost doesn’t die but continues living finding new forms and modes of living.

And so Theba, pushed out from O.T.O., is continuing its life in a new form, maybe still undefined and unknown, but gazing into future and eternity.

Some time we will be in silence, retired from publicity till we develop and strengthen for our future life whose life is one, endless and eternal."


I still not see anything strange or wrong in this text, except that it describe situation much better than it is. Also, I think that it is obvious that group who stands behind this text doesn’t consider themselves as parts of OTO, and can be punished as members of OTO. I also don’t know why they didn’t considered another text published on that Web Page, much more precise and direct, also better written. I like it much more than this; I prefer to be judged in OTO by that text. If someone from OTO is interested to start new chase against me or us, I can translate it and sand it without translator’s errors in previous text, free of charge. I did so much for OTO, why not to do something once again.

I respond Sectretary with two mails, which have identical numerical value with term “fuck off”, and we continues with our work and Cro OTO with their pranks and saps.

This is last part of my last report to Breeze. I tried to be sincere and I didn’t want to enter in any kind of talking what is good to me and what can be useful for me; by old informations how to write and what to tell in reports to IHQ. I sincerely asked to leave me doing what I successfully have doing for years, although I knew that it is impossible. I am good in divinations, reading omens, and so on… Also I hoped that some miracle would occur, similar things I already experienced before. I offer my resignation and waited. Also in that time I have thinking sincerely that Breeze is real adept, cares about own Order and what is happening in it. Same story, which their nations talked about Stalin, Hitler, Bush, that or that Pope, (we here about Tito). Our leader is good but he doesn’t know what is really happening.

I have convincing myself that problems are only in countries with less developed OTO like in Croatia and that all of those problems will be resolvable if great leader enter in that problem. I seen before improvements in ex-YU by our work on it, I hoped that all again can be fixed. Of course I was aware that it is not possible to me, but I hoped and asked. I was out of Internet and any way of communications for six years, I really didn’t know what is really happening, I and we lived in our dream.

Three or four months after that letter, things become to be much clearer, I found what many other brothers and sisters from rest of the world thinks and experience. Now I am happy to be in other place then where I have been before, where I have lived for many years - floor below decomposing corpses cowered with pus in shitten lavatory suffering that constantly something dropping an seeping from above on me, my work, my home and my place for work. Now if someone wants to shoot me with some crap he at first must filth his hand and hit afar and much precise to hit me.

(… continuing from previous entry…)


From first time when I was initiated in Minerval, I was drawn in work of correction of anomalies in Order by my older brothers. There were so many things to correct or make again better, I succeeded many times and many times I lose. I always fell that I must do it; make it like it was created in our Initiations on a first place, rules of Order known to me, Thelemic knowledge.

I am deeply interested in that work in further, deeply interested in higher initiations, sex magic also, although I know that it is closed to me like it is now. I am interested to work further without pay, like until now. In this Order I still feel that I am at home, at my family same as I felt it before 18 years, before Initiation in Minerval.

But, I am sure; it is not problem in me. It is not I, which causes troubles to Order, who makes intrigues, organising riots and makes soaping a board to brothers and sisters. I rarely proclaim some problems, only that which I can’t solve or patch alone. It is not problem to me to send reports and announcements regularly, if it makes any sense. Whatever I do Cro FSR will make complains against me. He have fallen deeply in a net of his lies, he can’t withdraw. If he let us live, other brothers and sisters around him can maybe cross the dangerous border of Theba Oasis, and came and see what is really happening here, and look and see what is really going on. (This happened few times; I remember face of one our brother, coming in my apartment full of fear but brave in same time, resolute to meet me-how does it costs. After a few days he went and come again and again. But it was claver to him and his status in Order, to keep new opinion for himself.) I again, telling you, I am not interested about his position in Order, or other positions, I became a Master of Body because of necessity in that time. I would not have any problem to be eased of this duty; it is not base of my selfesteem. I asked you Initiators Chart because I enjoying doing it, doing it right, becoming one being with other officers, becoming the projection of Candidates being. To look and help miracle of transformation of candidate in something new. As I wrote to you about my aims when I asked Chart, I succeeded to raise Rituals on much higher level, not only in Theba Oasis but in whole Croatia also. I remember, when Fr. Rodney came to Zagreb to make his first initiations in Zagreb, he was pleasantly surprised with our practice, knowledge and quality of performance. Cro FSR took laurel for it without any guilt (sorry about cynicism). It was Theba Oasis: Fr … from his better (less psychotic) phase, my wife and me.

It is Cro FSR great talent to adopt result of others work to himself. When we talking about reorganisation of Order in Split, we are talking about that. About appointment of someone docile, proclaiming in a month or two or year that now everything become perfect and all existing quality is just made, “Cro FSR’s merit”. Perfect, but how long. Another talent of Cro FSR is hypocrisy. His pathetic cries about pity that I leaving Order for example (soon will be heard), his already heard regret about leaving Order by some brothers for which he made so much (to expel him) or about lost friendship with me (what lie, he never been my friend, he never had a friends-someone equal, only those who is below him or above him). Nevertheless of that, I was his faithful officer for 7 years.

Maybe you as other Americans and Germans think about us in whole state of Croatia that we are all low, primitive, rotten and dirty, by your previous contacts with some brothers and rumores (alles cigoinen- all gipsies), but it is not true. One part of the nation in Croatia is like that.

Here I sand to you my Initiator Chart and Charts of Body. If you think that it is good solution, keep it. Initiation Scripts I will send you soon. If you like that I continue with my work sand it back to me. I will continue. If you keep it, I would not stop with my work, of course, I will work Gnostic Masses with my fellow-people, and other rituals (not Initiations and private Order Rituals of course) no matter as I am still Member of Order or not. It is my need. In a last time we have so excellent works, better than ever, something beautiful, astonishing to me. If it is cry of dying swan it is perfect. If it is dawning of a something new, I am hardly waiting.

I do not expecting that I will make you believe me. You appointed Cro FSR, you are responsible for him, because you believe him. I must write it now that you heard it once, that in some future time you can’t said: I didn’t know, why nobody told me. After now, I would never have a chance. All of us remember one of Great Lessons of passivity which we hearing for years: Order do not listening what Men of Earth said, To V°, believe only partially, to VI° very and to VII° absolutely. It is true that I don’t know things and secrets of VI° and VII° which maybe hide some real basis for authority like this, but same story we are have been listening for third, fourth, fifth degree, and so on. And when we entered in that degrees we find that there is no word about that right for rulership as it was so impressively accentuated. But, it hurts when something so solemn like our initiations become nothing but a tools of politics. There is nothing in this world what low and profane people can’t destroy.

I will contact Cro FSR as you wish, although like many brothers and sisters I haven’t good opinion about him. Also I think that there is no use of it, he will insist on liquidation immediately or soon, but in his pathetic way (there is no other opportunity, we deeply regretting because of that…). These problems between us are not because of misunderstanding but because of mutual understanding.

I can only insist on what I was already defined to him like basis of our and any relationship. Mutual respect, which is only possible base for love, clear relationship that is natural basis of communication, which is also basis for love. It is not only hierarchy, which makes this Order functioning; it is rather quality in all levels of that hierarchy.

Love is the law,love under will.

In a Bounds of Order

Fr IAO

As I can see, future fall of Croatian OTO was sealed by fall of Croatian Sophia Chapter, body of initiates of fifth degree and second triad. It has to be body that is defined by peace, love and harmony among members of it. That body is something, which is source of positive atmosphere in OTO, base of good work and functioning. Forming of it was beginning of forming of ‘Second Triad’ in Cro OTO, and by that crucially important for that forming. As we experienced that forming of Third Triade – Man of Earth were started completely wrong before more than 20 years because of personal ambitions of immature leader, so many of us worked more than ten years to repair it and bring it as it should be; we knew that same beginning with Second Triade can be even worse for OTO, and it was. Personal ambitions of initiates not matured enough for accepted responsibilities destroyed all, easily but surely. Objection that I talking here about something that have to be secret, well, for eight years I was only one initiate in Croatia who keep silence about that and my degree - as it have to be, for almost all others it was only title for proofing of their superiority under others (funny, and me who also has that degree but keeping silence about that, so others didn’t know that those authorities are not authorities for me). To keep silence about that in further would be stupid, as it was stupid that I didn’t talked about that and all others mucks all of previous years.
And after all I was accused by Breeze that I am reason of closing of that Chapter. Incompetent idiot!


(… continuing...)

Worst lie against me that I heard that is made in Order against me, is about closing a Chapter because of me. This lie I can’t accept. Me and We - members of Chapter from Split never heard about any closing a Chapter until now, my wife was Mistress of that Chapter, and she heard for that at first from your letter to me. Also Fr Baphomethr 729, whose life and heroin addiction alienate him from Order, also never heard as he told me. All of this time we didn’t know what happened, does Cro FSR organised Chapter without us, leading a chapter, without informing anyone of us, or simply leave Chapter in rest, because it is not of use to him. What is it, when officer of Body do not know anything about it. Clear and honest action, in accordance with V° obligations? Obviously not! Obviously some imposture!

When our initiations in Koln-Germany concluded, us-new initiates, Fr. Rodney- brother who I deeply respect and love, called us and accentuate one important thing, ‘everybody in Chapter wears same robe and jewellery, all is a equal no matter which degree they have, greater than V°. All decisions are to be made by agreement of all, not by voting or personal decisions. Everyone have to in harmony adjust his or her minds to union and joint action.’ It was perfectly clear to me, I accepted it wholeheartly. I had ambition to enter in it and help in make it work on a best possible way. It was one of biggest inspirations in my life. When we came back, Cro FSR pressures all of us that we organize a Chapter immediately. It was little early, we haven’t any 6th degree sister, we have only one woman - my wife – 5th degree. Also, on his demand I informed him about her real interest in Order. She in her heart already leaved the Order and Thelema at ‘93, and join followers of Guru Maheshvarananda. She was for years my main problem in organizing of work in Split, she was active when we had extremely exalted period, but in a first problem she was acting to make problems bigger, melting enthusiasm and expanding her statement that Order and all us work is something trivial. She had tried for years on her way to adduce in me that I leave the Order and join her followers of her Guru. Cro FSR conclude that it is perfect and insist in forming Chapter immediately.
Is it maybe because of hazard that someone else in future time form Chapter on his initiative, where Cro FSR will be only a Member? Sounds logical.

On first meeting, we had argued about ways of functioning of Chapter. Two of brothers and me tried to explain to Cro FSR what we heard from Fr. Rodney, what we conclude about harmonious work and making decisions together, equality and logic behind that which we have had in that moment. Cro FSR insisted on clear and absolute rule, that he (and my not interested wife) decides about anything, from common things to who will be initiated into V° degree. We have to talk and obey.

In that few hours long discussion he has no arguments, only his decision that the things in Chapter will function like that. All of our arguments, ideas and analyses were rejected without consideration by him. My wife has seated disinterested, Cro Treasurer seated looking in floor agreeing with Cro FSR when it was needed. We conclude nothing, Cro FSR insisted on His decisions.

Next meeting in Split was great disappointment for me about seriousness of functioning of Chapter. Brothers from Zagreb came with three sisters which are not initiated in V°, and they have not to know anything about Chapter. They came with lot of alcohol, and especially Cro FSR was drunk whole time next two days. His behaviour was never of real gentleman but now he was a complete primitive. On the convention, we did nothing, me and my wife tries to clarify mentioned brother addiction to heroin, talk to him, which was for sure big problem not only because of use or selling but because of his problems with money, other brothers money, fame of Order and so on. We tried to make it clear and open for possibility to help him in his life and initiated work. He was my close and beloved friend long time, for seven years closest. Cro FSR rejected this attempt, supported Fr Baphomethr 729 in statement that it is all lies. Of course Fr Baphomethr 729 once more have hide his problems. After that, little talk about new candidates for V°, and continuing of drinking, only important thing on this meeting.

Further negativities in Order, like our Bed Rapport, continues to hurting me, induce me to cry to You, (better your officers) among all other problems, about that state in Chapter. I was aware that development of Chapter started on a wrong way, we have experience what happens when forming of Triad becomes bad I a almost same way, like it was with Man of Earth Triad and YU FSR, how many years, energy and everything have needed to correct it. I sent this letter, to Secretary General, hoping that something will change, remembering from some previous cases that you and your officers has positive influence over the problem in Order. And I was astonished, on next meeting of Chapter all brothers, including Cro FSR conjured with all strength in equality, harmony, making joint decisions about all, all that I (and few of us) uphold. But all was unified in condemnation of me because of fact that I wrote it to you. In discussion agreement of brothers from Zagreb was so obvious, nobody can’t remember what was told in few last meetings, who tells what, who stands for what (I declared every statement, word by word), only what was clear was their unanimous doom to me because of my writing of letters to you. What could I tell then? As I wrote to your Secretary, I am retreating from work of Chapter, faced with so strong and unanimous reject (by lying) from brothers from Zagreb. I have fought that a real value becomes accepted, succeeded in it and being sacrificed because of that success. Huge lie is that I made that Sophia Chapter close. Chapter – Cro FSR instrument of rulership cease to be useful to him anymore. Body or community in which he is equal to others is strange and dangerous to his world. So he makes it closed and underlay responsibility to me.

(… continuing...)

OTO used to be magical fraternity with purpose obtaining inner freedom and inner guidance through the mysteries and mystical support of the community, older brothers and sisters. OTO have some higher aims not comprehendible by common but, only to the highest initiates. That universal aims and help in personal purposes can be seen through the different ways of fakes, hates, mockery, money stealings, gossips usual in OTO and supported by highest officers of OTO. As more odious things some officer does, so greater support from high he archives.






(… continuing fro previous entry…)

Few months after that, I found situation in which Cro Treasurer ask my wife by phone, to give him information for what payments of money I have proofs that I have sent it. After a while of arguing it becomes clear that he has no trace of my last payment, hundred and so on dollars. But as I predicted possible problem like that before, when I sent this money I found two witnesses to see that I sand it. For other payments from me personally, or from initiations we didn’t succeeded to discuss. He has thinking that he is Officer of the Order and I must obey to his authority. (And forget my or our money?). I threatened him that in no way he loose any cent from me, or I will make to him a real harm. Utterance for that I am not to be proud of, but in this situation in that specific problem what to do? I sent whole amount of last collected money directly to Treasurer General, as only safe way to release myself of that money and that I am sure that Order will get it. What else to do?

Cro Treasurer is professional swindler-thief. Because of his thievery, my wife … didn’t want to initiate him into second degree at year ’92, but YU FSR who was present, meant that we need initiates like him. For example, Cro Treasurer for many years works for one cheater criminal group, legally forbidden in a whole Western world but not yet forbidden in several transition countries like ours. They are registered like company “GEM”, have numerous of criminal denouncements that are (as I am informed, by my friend-public persecutor) stopped by corruption. They are using old joke: Pay 5000 EUROs, on my count and I will teach you how to become rich. After paying, victim gets a note; do as I made to you. They from “GEM” call it entering in business, and in company “GEM”. Did he try to swindle our brothers and sisters? Of course, all I know including my wife without my presence. For years he was also involved in a black market, for him it is common business. Perfect Treasurer for Cro FSR, who during ninetieths when I was his Treasurer, loses every job which he had because of pilfering.

It was third time that Cro Treasurer tried to rob me. First time it was in a time of my abandoning of duty of National Treasury. He sent me information that I am indebted for some money several times more then I was. (One candidate of one psychotic brother, drug addicted steal me some money - few hundred dollars and one complete of initiation rituals. All money I returned from my pocket several months after abandonment from duty. Junkie died next year.) After a short quarrel Cro Treasurer draw his request and find that amount was like mine, difference was few dollars- mistake in adding.

Second time was when he was my guest, when we have meting of the Chapter in my apartment. He demanded my and my wife’s dues, two times more money that it was. Same arrogant way: I am a chief; you have to shut up and obey. I didn’t obey and we found that we owing as we had known. Third time was previous mentioned, last year. Knowing him I tried to protect myself, knowing that he may try to eject me from Order and stop the regular work of the Oasis by some fictive due. It was one of possible ways of my liquidation. I must note that I asked new Treasurer General about my due status two times, also for members from Theba Oasis but - no answer.

Cro Treasurer is on first place Reikist, his personal statement about Order is that it is only a grab for charts and positions. I remember our travel to initiation into V°, his statements about Order, Order’s way of developing, initiations ect. : it is nothing, there is nothing in that. My wife told me their conversation prior and after their initiation into Senate: Bullshit again, new stupid obligations bla, bla…
Booth of them were good candidates for Senate by Cro FSR.

Cro Secretary is a sister that I ever like, as a priestess and sister, and dear person. She is not a thief or criminal, but his father is, well known criminal in her and my wife’s country, bully, which nobody likes same as don’t like her also. My wife’s relatives asked many times my wife and me: Are you still in contact with daughter of …, how could you? She has big problems in her heart with family’s bad reputation, as I see, but no problem in good and rich living on a count of other people. And she learned how to be Someone upon a shadow of big guy. How is useful to have same enemies like that guy. She is also a Reikist. She is in last five years constantly angry on me. Why, I don’t know. Best I got from her on my insisting to know what is going on was: Cro FSR told us everything. Same sentence I heard from other brother from Mirrach Lodge, which in that time lives with us several weeks in my apartment and constantly looking on me odiously, “knowing everything” about me (but he also never told me what is it, what he know).


(… continuing...)

For those who love pictures of decomposing corpses cowered with pus in shitten lavatory here is some nice pick. I don't like that memories for I have lived for many years floor below that, suffering that constantly something dropping an seeping from above on me, my work, my home and my place for work.

(…continuing from previous entry…)


A pressure on me and brothers and sisters with me begins before six years. I made catastrophically mistake trying to avoid any conflict and maintain peace and harmony in Order, by withdrawal of conflict, retreating from publicity, in silence. Before four years Cro FSR tried to liquidate me with few of my friends and brothers, and few brothers and sisters which made so many awful things to Order us and other members, all as equal - same criminals, putting us on Bed Report, expecting that I would retire so dishonoured. It was made on his way, behind back – without any information about it or explanation why, that I couldn’t react on it and defend my honour. After several months I came to know almost accidentally, try to defend myself but it was to late, everything was well prepared, I was not like to go to the end, I lose. I recollect my strength and continue to work on the Theba Oasis to make something really good that will outlive me.

From that time I am expecting when that liquidation will happened. Before two years I came to know that he preparing brothers and sisters in Zagreb that he can’t do anything anymore, and he must kick me out from Order, because of my… I came and ask him directly in face what does he doing, but he denied everything and only thing what he really try to do was to become informed who disclose it to me. That time I escaped but I was aware that it is only transitory. Until now.

Many of my faults in administration was made only because of that, because administration have not any sense, only valuable was to make so many quality initiations, extraordinary Masses, animate as much as I can new priest or priestess for work, that they can see beauty and greatness of it before time for my liquidation comes, that this people can proceed with good work after my excommunication.

I mentioned, Cro. O.T.O. bureaucracy. Several years after my Bed Report at 2002, I have been sanding my initiation reports normally to Secretary of Cro. O.T.O., and Treasury Report with all funds to Cro Treasurer through Secretary. He has some address of type: Big-rock-near-large-tree-in-the-top-of-meadow. Some pizzeria. Perfect explanation for I-didn’t-got-anything, which I have predicted. I had been thinking that in that way, sanding it by witnessing of Cro Secretary, I would be safe of that possibility. Initiations and other consecrations I have been announcing through SMS massages to Secretary or Master of the Mirrach Lodge. But before some 18 months now Cro Secretary told me that she have nothing of my reports, let make one complete report for last several years. I made it and I sent it. After a while I again get same message, she said that she again get nothing: send it again. Mess? Lie? No matter. I sent it. Obviously she had complete mess in her Secretary, which she has never been capable to do. Word General overshadowed word Secretary.

After a while Cro FSR organised some Annual meeting of Masters which he didn’t organised for a 6-7 years, on that I wasn’t able to attend; I’m working for my living, feeding my family, and organising a work of Theba Oasis. I sent my representative on that meeting with a usual report and my statement about basis of normal functioning and relations, in short terms: mutual respect and clear relations. Result in that meeting was at first: ridiculing me, and my statement; two: muster of anyone present one by one, before brown eyes, for rejecting of that statements. After that mockery, they impose new orders announcing initiations for two months in a three addresses, waiting an approval for that from all, many new rules… It is obvious against who it was ordered, one of the methods for liquidation. There isn’t any other body except Mirrach, which still organise initiations, or any other initiators who performing it outside the Mirrach. Theba becomes main concurrent to the Ego of Irreplaceable One and Only. Cro Treasurer proceeded with grumbling that Treasury is empty and indebted toward Central Treasury for 3000 USD, nobody pays dues and so on… (How, on what our money goes, drinking in restaurants for Cro FSR or Cto Treasurer business - asking all of as in Split and rest of Croatia? They lost their place for work before few months because they stopped paying rent to owner before three years. They were thinking that they don’t need to pay, as we heard? Who is insane there?) After that, 15- 20 minutes of that meeting, Cro FSR and others continues to drink on the count of Order in a local restaurant. On next Annual Meeting nobody came.

Best information about leader is people that he group around him, and results of group that he leads. If leader is perfect, and group is constantly smaller and weaker, more disinterested, something is not quite as it seems.

(… more of juicy things to come..)

How to present what is and what was with something that ruled your and other closest friends life for a more than 17 years? Logically, from beginning. But some good movies begins with end of story, also intelligent Japanese builds their houses from roof. Why not to try it in that way. To begin a story from end of one period with last Report directly to Fr Superior Bill Breeze, on his hypocritical claim to me - to I declare what I have to say and would I obey to rules of OTO. Of course, in light of many years hostile actions toward us in Theba Oasis from Cro FSR and his servants, and by clear answers in many of my divinations, omens ... , it was obvious that end has come. Although I tried to replay it in way which was suggested to me, 'I will do everything as you told me, I am willing to work by rules of OTO' and so on, I found in myself that I am capable of writing only true and sincere Report, knowing result of it, taking it calm as axe of execution to which I cant escape anymore.

I tried to answer on anything that was complained to me and us, including fiction administrative sins, and openly inform Fr Superior which garbage and snakes lays in this garden, that he or none can tell 'I didn't know, nobody told me...'
I will try to hide names of persons included but leave all including spelling or grammatical errors so specific to my knowledge of English.

Through last year I heard many nonsense about my expelling from OTO, including that it was because I didn't answer Fr Superior on his request. So I like that someone refer he to this page, also other interested, that they can be fully informed. Why not to be informed? I am not anymore in OTO where everything is secret, and less you know it is better.

In that time I still have complete trust in Fr Superior although I didn't expect anything positive to me and us in Theba Oasis. I was disconnected from Internet for many years to find what is really happening what people and brothers and sisters talks, we haven’t any response from OTO anywhere, we lived with question in our minds 'Is there any OTO out there'. And I dreamed that in USA, Australia, Britain, Sweden and all other places where I didn’t been, situation in OTO is perfect. For I know that in places where I was situation was catastrophically, but also I obediently kept silence about that.

I will cut this letter in several parts, and try to answer on your notes and questions promptly, although I always have some problems with connection to Internet, free time to hanging on computer and so on. First pat among other touches questions functioning of administration, which is in OTO almost all which OTO cares, but which also are out of function for long as I know.






Dear Most Holy, Most Illuminated and Most Worshipful Father

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

I got your letter dated June 28 at July 05. Thank you for it; it is a first time sign to us that anyone cares about us here. Thank you also on your statement about appreciation of our efforts, and mine; it is fine to hear that anyone from high levels of Order has any positive regard to it. I writing it calm, but subject is so unpleasant that you may not want to enter in it, so read short version and forget all.

I think that it is not correct that I am drawn like some special example of bad reporting or functioning in Order. You know that many administrative instances are completely out of function: Initiation Secretary, Ecclesiastical Secretary for example, Board of Directors in Croatia that I will elaborate lately. Although many warnings are without objection, I must notice that many of it is without any ground. It is true that I retard with some initiation reports to brother last Treasurer General who I deeply respect as a great Man and Initiate, specially his great effort on communication and help to our Initiates and other Thelemites which is so lacking to all of us. Many warnings were without any ground, it was reported correctly and promptly. Many, not in requested time or with lapses, my fault. On the other side, during ninetieths, when I was Treasurer in Croatia, one whole year he didn’t answered on any question, and never did, which makes to me unrecoverable problems in Treasury.

How many years me and other initiates in Europe didn’t get our degree charts which are always made and sent with initiation reports. How many times I got my initiation reports returned-not taken up from mailbox? In one case it takes much more than year that every Initiation Report with new applications have returned to me untaken – five times, as I remember (just when Fr. M.S. take duty from Sor. Qadisha, in her time there wasn’t any problem from her or mine side). How many initiations were postponed because of that, what do you think what these Initiates think about Order, Order administration? When me, on the end, took all these reports and applications and sent to Secretary General, we got very unpleasant letter from him – why I put my job on his back. I answered him that it is his job also; because he is not only a General, but also a Secretary whose job is to make Order administration functioning. We didn’t seen any correction of administration, and not get any further replay on it, except maybe this, from you, but problems with returned reports and applications continues. On example whole last year, but this time I performed several initiations without postponing intentionally, by announced schedule, those that becomes big problem to postpone.

Question is also our Reports; we here from former Yugoslavia have asked many times does anyone ever read one sentence from any of our reports. Our prevailing answer was: No! During ninetieths in one period, sicken by Cro FSR command that I must not to report to you anything unpleasantly, any problem or complain, I decide not to sand any Report that would be complete lie. So I didn’t send any Report for two years waiting anybody’s question: “Why You didn’t send any reports”, that I can answer “Because of that and that”. But nobody noticed that I didn’t sand it! Another question is reality of all reports. Whole of this seventeen years in Order, I constantly hearing about what must, and must not be written on that Reports, what they from above wants to hear.

Now, I must note that these complains are not only my complains, they are of prevailing part of officers and members known to me, only I am now in position that I can say it, because it can’t hurt me anymore, jeopardize my position more then it is already jeopardized now.

My position and membership in Order was not jeopardized because of reports, but because of cooperation with your Cro FSR, and his personal meaning of word cooperation. And for him cooperation means Kneeling in a Humble Supplication Before Him. We have different ambition in Order, mine was building a quality in Order, developing a initiation machinery for gifted and strong brothers and sisters that they can make something in their lives, in his spiritual or private or public environment. By members like that build strong and illustrious Order. I’m trying to find brothers, friends, people who will I love, and which will love me.

His ambition is making Order for his home use (we in Croatia have name for it what does he organising – 'His' Order), ground for expressing his appetite for domination. He is producing week persons, who will bend their spines before him.

There are maybe few, maybe none brothers and sisters in our country who believes that this is problem about reports and announcements. Everybody knows that it is about my avoiding bending my spine before him, to kneel before him like servant. As I heard from a second hand, everybody knows in Zagreb or around, that it is my liquidation (finally – they think). Sor I.... .... new rioter in Split against me and Theba Oasis (today not anymore, she comprehend what's happened and how she was used) is informed by this exclusion for a months. Accusations on bed cooperation are only easy way to achieve it.


(... continuing in few days...)